Have you ever heard the saying
“it’s like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut?” While a sledgehammer will certainly
open the nut, it will also smash it to bits when there are better tools for the
job. This points to the issue of how we respond to someone who reveals that
they are thinking about suicide.
If you have ever been in this
position, you know how difficult it can be. The fear of saying or doing the
wrong thing, or not enough, can be overwhelming. The safest response might seem
like calling 911. While this is true in some situations, in others a less
drastic response may be more helpful.
Below are some considerations for
finding the right tool for the job. Sometimes the best way to identify what steps
to take is to ask the person what they think will help keep them safe. You can find reassurance in the knowledge
that most suicidal crisis last for a brief period of time. Therefore staying
with the person (as long as the scene is not unsafe) and connecting them to
resources and ongoing support when the situation has calmed down might be the
most effective course of action.
When is a
call to a crisis line the right tool?
Crisis lines are designed to
quickly assess the level of risk in a situation and get the caller to the
appropriate services. If you are calling the National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline or one of its member crisis centers in California, the call will be answered
by someone trained in assessing suicide risk and conducting a phone-based
intervention designed to reduce their risk. Many Lifeline/crisis center calls
are life-saving interventions, and they are equipped to call 911 on the
person’s behalf if they believe a suicide attempt has occurred or the person’s
life is in imminent danger.
Crisis lines
are useful in a range of situations, from direct intervention to someone in an
acute crisis, to calling yourself to talk about how you might help someone you
are concerned about. Crisis lines can also help you or the person in crisis to
find a mental health provider in your community.
The Suicide Prevention Crisis Line (1-800-273-8255) is available 24/7 and
answered by trained counselors who are skilled in intervening with those who
are acutely suicidal, as well as individuals who are concerned about someone
else. Chat services are also available
online: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. Individuals can also text HOME to 741-741.
The Suicide Prevention Lifeline can also connect callers to the Spanish language network through a prompt or by calling directly (1-888-628-9454). There is also an option for the deaf and hard of hearing: 1-800-799-4889. Callers to the Lifeline can also choose a prompt to connect with the Veterans Crisis Line, which can also be reached by texting 838255 or through an online chat service.
When is a
call to 911 the right tool?
Calling 911 connects the situation
to first responders, such as law enforcement, firefighters and EMTs. If you
suspect that someone is about to or has already harmed themselves and requires
medical attention, or if you are in danger, this is the right tool.
But it may not be the right tool in
every circumstance. More often than not
other tools in the community can help avoid the potential trauma of a 911
response. For example, crisis hotline staff have the skills to assess and
intervene to help someone who is acutely suicidal. Imagine someone being in emotional pain and
rather than emotionally stabilizing on the phone or in-person with a caring and
compassionate, friend, family member or mental health professional, they are
potentially hand-cuffed and transported to the nearest Emergency Room in a
police car, only to experience long wait times or hold for psychiatric
assessment. This experience might deter
them from seeking the appropriate help later.
How do I
know if I should be worried about someone?
Becoming familiar with warning signs
and resources, being willing to listen, and ready to take steps to reduce
access to lethal means are tools you can always have in your toolbox.
Know the Signs: Pain isn’t always obvious, but most
suicidal people show some signs that they are thinking about suicide. The signs
may appear in conversations, through their actions, or in social media posts.
If you observe one or more warning signs of suicide, especially if the behavior
is new, increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change, step
in or speak up.
Find the Words: “Are you thinking of ending your life?” Few
phrases are as difficult to say to a friend or loved one. But when it comes to
suicide prevention, none are more important. Visit the “Find the Words” section
of www.suicideispreventable.org for suggestions
to get the conversation started. Having the conversation is less about persuading
someone not to end their life, and about showing that you are concerned,
helping the person to find hope and remember their reasons for living.
Reach Out: You are not alone in helping someone in crisis.
There are many resources available to assess, treat, and intervene. Crisis
lines, counselors, intervention programs and more are available to you as well
as to the person experiencing the emotional crisis. Visit the Resources page to learn
about local resources.
Instinct
and compassion: two tools you can always count on
There is no foolproof process for
knowing exactly the right thing to do. Trust your instinct if it tells you
something is wrong. Leading with compassion can help create safe spaces for
people to talk about their pain and this is one of the most helpful things you
can do.
Many people who have lost someone
to suicide don’t feel the same compassion from others that those who have lost
a loved on another way experience. Some of this is because people are
uncomfortable talking about suicide. Consider reaching out to someone who has
lost a friend or loved one to suicide. Ask them about how the person they lost
lived rather than focusing on the way they died.
The more we talk about suicide and
suicide prevention, the more we can reduce the stigma around the subject and
infuse our communities with hope and healing.
Additional Resources:
Reference
the UB School of Social Work’s Self Care site which provides a Self-Care
Starter Kit with valuable resources.
Visit the Mental Health America website for tools and tips at
https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/ten-tools.
For additional self-care resources visit the Self Care
section of the 2019 Each Mind Matters Suicide Prevention Week Toolkit at https://www.eachmindmatters.org/spw2019/
Love the person you are – figure out what makes you happy and
do more of it!
